That moment in life when you’re in need of a change

April 21, 2022

Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

– Mandy Hale

 

In today’s article I’d like to talk about change…about that burning need for something to change that we all experience at different points in our life!

When I look back at the change in my life over the past 10 years and the one friends, family and clients went through, I see something in common, which is this:

When we experience major transformation, it usually starts in one specific part of our life.

I’ve seen friends go through a change of trajectory in their life starting from the “relationship with their relationships”, which then trickled to other important areas, like for example influencing their self-esteem and the relationship with themselves.

I’ve seen someone else’s transformation ignited by a career change, which brought more financial and emotional stability as a result of doing something for living that truly aligns with their interests and skills.

For some of us that transformation can stem from food, from changing the way we think, feel and act around food.

No matter the area, the overarching need always seem to be the same: WANTING TO LEVEL-UP.

What do I mean by this?

We sometimes get to a point, some sort of crossroad, where we need to decide whether we want to stay “in the known”, in the comfort of what already is, or start demanding more. Usually more:

Integrity

Honesty

Space

Authenticity

That’s when we may feel called to get to the next level, taking better care of ourselves, and start listening more to understand what we really want, what really matters to us.

A woman's face in black & white

How do you know if you are going through one of those moments where you need a change?

Many of us find themselves in front of the crossroad for change in response to major critical events such as illness or the loss of a dear person. There’s something in these situations, like a lightbulb in our mind which lights-up, pushing us to rethink our priorities and re-consider what we are no longer willing to compromise in our life.

However, we might get to that same crossroad more subtly and silently. Some flags you might be in need for substantial change may be:

 

 

  • Something feels really off and it’s causing emotional pain, without you being able to grasp what exactly that is. All you know is that you’d like to feel better and that you can’t go on like this.
  • There’s difficulty in your relationships, you don’t feel heard, respected, understood, or you feel like you can’t be yourself. 
  • You aften feel lonely, isolated, suffer in silence, or don’t want to be social. Maybe you fantasize having different friends or another partner who allow you to really be yourself, support you and where you don’t have to tell lies or hide your feelings.
  • If you’ve always found comfort with food, you may see your binges increase in frequency or urgency after a relatively quiet period.
  • You may feel a strong desire to engage in dieting to shrink your body, or control your current weight.
  • You spend more time on social media or in virtual communication with people than you do on face to face interactions.
  • In the work environment, you fee like an outsider, feel understimulated, like your knowledge and your voice don’t really count.

And many more.

When change starts from the relationship with food.


In my case the most significant trasformation in my own life started by looking at my relationship with food. By diving into what food was there to protect me from.

That’s because my need for change found its way to express through a problem in that area: I was bingeing in secret every week, dieting in between the binges, slowly retrieving from social life and hiding in plain sight.

For a long period of time food gave me a temporary respite from pain.

Now I can clearly see how it was also preventing me from getting where I wanted to get in life. As long as I stayed clinging onto food, it was impossible for me to see the areas that really needed my attention and work on them to create the real change I needed. 

And the binge-restrict cycle would go on and on and on.

What needs to happen then for you to make a shift?

You need to reach that point where the desire for change, for leveling-up and moving to a different level is bigger than the desire to stay where you are, in your comfort zone, where little to no change can take place.

Often, our comfort zone lulls you into a sense of security. You don’t want to step out and take risks. However, the risk is stagnating if you just stay where you are. And keep staying in a state of suffering.

I reached that point when my frequent binges felt really depressing and I couldn’t stand anymore its physical and emotional consequences.

When I realised my mind was too busy thinking about food most of the days, most of the time, to really enjoy friendship, family, love, work.

When I noticed that I was obsessing with the scale and letting my mood be severely influenced by the number on it.

When I realised I was retrieving too much from the external world and denying myself the many opportunities out there.

I told myself I had enough. And that was the turning point for me.

I worked hard on myself, tuning into:

  • My relationships (especially the failed intimate relationships with men that came one after the other for many years since my early 20s) and my need to always meet people expectations and “make them happy”;
  • The feeling of ‘not being enough’ that I kept bringing with me at each and every job for at least 10 years;
  • What I was spending my time doing VS what I really wanted to spend my time doing and with whom.
  • The way I was not allowing myself to express and find space for grief and sadness, but also joy, pleasure and fun.

All these buried underneath the struggle with food!

This is my story but I can assure you that I see myself in the eyes and the words of each and every woman I’ve supported so far.

Independently from their particular story and the journey that brings them to seek support, there’s something that makes me say – “That was me!” – when I hear from them that burning desire to level-up and finally:

  • Live life at their own terms, making themselves a priority;
  • Eat without feeling guilt at each single mouthful;
  • Take care of themselves independently from what they see in the mirror or on the scale;
  • Take time & space for themselves without feeling like it’s a waste of time or undeserved;
  • Cutting some people from their life conscious they don’t have a positive influence on their well-being;
  • Show self-respect and listen more to their needs;
  • Speak out in their relationships, in work, in the classroom, and everywhere else they feel brave enough to show up.

You can recognise that because often you can sense this underlying question that goes along the lines of:

When will it finally be my turn to be ok? To feel relaxed? To feel like I’m really worthy? I’m tired…so when it will be?

Do I always feel ok, worthy and relaxed now? Not at all. Do I feel more resourced to live a fulfilling and meaningful life? Hell, yes!

And that’s why the journey done so far was worth every second & every penny I spent on it.

Finally, if you’re wondering:

“When will it be my turn to be okay? To feel comfortable with myself? To feel that I’m worthy too? I am tired … when will my turn be?”

Then I ask you: Are you ready to start changing and getting better?

With kindness,

Dona 🌷

 

A KIND REMINDER

THE MINDFUL BODY WOMEN CIRCLE
Enrollment continues for the Mindful Body Women Circle.

This could be perfect for you if you’ve been considering focusing on your relationship with food & body this year.

A safe and non-judgmental space for women to learn tools, techniques and practices to support in the journey towards joyful eating and body acceptance.

Click here for more info.

Written by Donatella Porceddu

I am a registered psychologist and life coach specialised in binge and emotional eating, body kindness, and mindful eating. I empower women to become the best version of themselves through my comprehensive approach, which combines personal coaching and psychology, leveraging my client’s strengths and building around their opportunities.

You May Also Like…

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

WORK WITH ME

LEARN MORE

RESOURCES

VIEW MORE

CONTACT ME

If you have any questions, reach out to me today. I’ll be more than happy to connect with you and see how I can help.

Donatella Porceddu Psychologist & Eating Coach specialised in Binge Eating, Overeating, Emotional Eating, Food freedom, anti-diet approach. 1:1 support through my Make Peace with Food program.

3 + 13 =