Have you ever considered how your inability to say no to others might be triggering your bingeing?
Sit down, relax and let me explain you the link between learning to ‘saying no’ and your recovery from the food obsession and bingeing.
- How many times have you said yes to another project even though you already knew it would take you extra work and take away time for yourself and the really important things?
- Do you regularly reserve every single drop of your energy for others, collapsing on the sofa at the end of the day? And wondering how it is possible that you no longer had even a little strength to do something for yourself?
- Have you tried to change yourself to please a partner or friend, because you thought that only by adapting to their tastes and interests you would gain their love and respect?
Any time you say no to yourself in the attempt to please others, you lose the opportunity to affirm who you are. And the bingeing worsens.
I’m guilty of that too.
I put myself in the heap, because many times I thought I had to say “Yes!” to everything and everyone and GIVE, DO, CHANGE to prove that I’m valuable, or to make others love me.
Leaving aside the enormous amount of energy and time that living like this took away from me, in the end, trying to make everyone happy and satisfied has reached the opposite effect.
Because with each “Yes!” I said reluctantly, and with each attempt to change a part of me to please others, I moved further and further away from expressing who I really was. I ended up unhappy, unpleasant, frustrated.
So I stuffed my face with food to compensate for that energy and vitality I gave to others, for the lack of time for myself. I had traded them for a bit of attention but, in the end, I was always left with a void.
Most times where I struggled saying no, I ended up bingeing.
It’s really tough, I know. But not impossible.
Learning to say no, if you are a people pleaser by nature like me, is really tough! But by no means it is impossible.
When you start saying no to others, you make room for the power to truly express yourself, your values, opinions, passions. You learn to reclaim your personal space. It’s a wonderful achievement, you know!
Slowly you start getting so busy doing beautiful things, those that make you feel good, that you forget about the jar of Nutella in the pantry. your bingeing gets much better. I swear!
How does that happen?
By saying no more often, your life becomes more aligned with who you are and what you want. And this eases the tension that drives you to take refuge in food.
You start attracting people who you really connect with on a deeper lever. You found them or they find you.
That boring day out somewhere you don’t like, doing activities you don’t care about, is replaced by a lovely meaningful chat or by that hike in the woods you’ve always longed for. And yes, hugging trees if you like, why not?
These are just examples of course. But at the end of the day, you might look back and realise you didn’t think about food for a second. Or if you did, it wasn’t such a pressing need after all.
The desire in each of us to know we matter to others is a healthy desire. The desire to know our work is effective in doing what we intended to do is an important desire. The part of us that wants to know that we’re appreciated and warmly received is a fundamental part of us, a part to be honoured. But it needs to be only one part and, importantly, not the driving one.
Now, I’m not telling you that from now on you should go and scream “No!!” with anger on people’s faces.
The most effective and kind way to decline a commitment, an invitation, an attempt by others to involve you in something that does not interest you, is to accompany that no with your personal reasons why it is a no.
“No, because I’m not really interested in that. But how about trying…”
“It’s no, because I want to priorities quality time with my kids this weekend…”
“This time no thanks, because I need time to rest and sleep.”
Believe me, sometimes people simply need to know the ‘why’ to understand your no. And no, no one dies for a no!
So, tell me, WHO or WHAT would you like to say no to right now? What scares you the most at the idea of doing it?
I’m waiting for you below 👇🏻, in the comments. I’m very curious to read you!